I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
