JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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