Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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