I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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