My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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