I got chris browned last night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
