We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
