Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
