Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
