she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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