I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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