Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
