Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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