kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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