I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
