I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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