a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
