Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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