We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
