I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
40s are totally the cure
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
