Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
