Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
