I must be too annoying 4 u.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
