So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I see more hoeing in ur future
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