You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
