I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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