I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
