whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
