wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
