she looked like the bat from fern gully.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
