she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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