So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
