you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
