We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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