When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
