i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
