I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
