I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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