I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
