the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
