Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
