so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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