how can u be prego again
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
