There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
