Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
