I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
