I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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