what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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