Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
