he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
