Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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