So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
