I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
