cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
