my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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