I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
