Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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