I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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