she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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