I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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